Comedian and actor Rachel Dratch said she's going to use Bethenny Frankel's reality TV birth episode as her childbirth education class. Read below for why I hope she's just being funny. Photo from Bravotv.com.
Guilty pleasure admission: I am a big Bethenny Frankel fan. I fell for her sass on the Real Housewives of New York, and am falling for her vulnerability and cuteness in her new show, Bethenny Getting Married. So last week when the Bethenny Getting Married birth episode was about to air, I wanted the best for her and new hubby Jason Hoppy, of course, but also for the vast and impressionable viewing public. In addition to working as a birth support doula, I teach private childbirth education classes, and hear week after week from parents saying that what they know about birth has come mostly from TV and movies. Unfortunately it’s also mostly wrong. If you are a regular reader of this blog you probably remember last spring when Pam and Jim on The Office had their baby, that I “live blogged” the fictional event offering my 2 cents as a former labor and delivery nurse here in New York City about what the writers got right, and what could have been better (my full analysis is here). All in all, The Office did a pretty good job, and I was hopeful for Bethenny’s birth as Bethenny is a natural foods chef, a yogini, and someone who I thought might very well have a great holistically minded birth team on board.
I have to say that from what I saw on TV, Bethenny could have benefitted from a little more help, particularly in the form of a quality childbirth education class and a skilled labor support doula. There were so many things I watched in that episode that just looked so much harder than they needed to be. I wanted to crawl through the screen and offer my services, but alas, it doesn’t work that way. I was going to keep my commentary to myself because unlike the birth on The Office, Bethenny is a real person and this is her real story–albeit packaged and edited for television entertainment. My decision to stay mum on the matter changed tonight when Bethenny and Rachel Dratch (who is expecting baby #1) were on Bravo TV’s Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, and Rachel said that she was just going to use the Bethenny Getting Married birth episode in lieu of a childbirth education class.
Oh, nooooooooooo. No, no, no, no, no Rachel.
Bethenny was amazing and strong during her birth, no question. And she is a great source of information for many things–like margaritas and Skinny Girl living–but Rachel, please let me {or any one of this city’s other amazing birth resources} be your go to girl for the birth stuff. You’ll be better off for it, I promise. {No offense Bethenny. Love you.} To give some examples of the things from Bethenny’s birth episode that could have been helped by more information or an experienced birth support person, I’ll start with the anxious rushing out of the house the minute her water broke. (You can watch the video here.) Totally. Unnecessary. Panic.* Bethenny wasn’t even in labor yet. Jason didn’t need to be calling people. Bethenny didn’t need to be in a hurry. The assistants didn’t need to be jacked-up on adrenaline. As you saw, Bethenny didn’t have the baby until over 24 hours later. She definitely could have taken her time, eaten a good breakfast, and packed what she needed. If only she would have known or had someone to call who could remind her. This kind of scenario is exactly why childbirth education and doula support is so important for first time mamas and papas–there is simply no other way to know what the heck the real deal is when you’re in a situation you’ve never been in before.
Oh mama, ouch! Want to know why it helps to get up out of that bed? Click the pic for information about Lamaze International's Healthy Birth Practice #2: Walk, Move Around, and Change Positions Throughout Labor. Photo from Bravotv.com.
Another thing that had me talking to the TV was seeing Bethenny in her bed during contractions (pre-epidural) and shaking the handrails (watch it here). Oh sweetie pie! Why didn’t anyone show you good positions to use out of the bed? And how to use motion and gravity to encourage the opening of the cervix and good fetal position? Two things, by the way, that can absolutely make a difference in whether or not a birth ends up a Caesarean section. A lot of times when people are told they have hips that are too narrow, or a baby that is too big, the real issue is that the baby wasn’t able to get in an optimal position (via mama’s movement and gravity) because mama was in bed on her back, effectively making her pelvic outlet as tiny as possible (check out this great video for more info on how this works). Often these same mamas, with the same hips, go on to give vaginal birth to much bigger babies in subsequent births. Anywho, Bethenny’s birth story will end this week (in TV time) with the birth of her perfect, beautiful daughter Bryn Hoppy, and that is wonderful. I just hope that other mamas-to-be out there (that means you Rachel!) know that they can have that same thing, and maybe even a little easier, and with a little more confidence, by getting the best possible resources and support for the big day.
So in conclusion, Rachel–and Bethenny, should you decide to go for baby #2–feel free to email me at hello@holisticdoulanyc.com to set up private childbirth education classes and maybe even some doula support so that you can be the rock star mamas you were born to be. I offer my services to mamas to be throughout NYC (I’ll even travel if need be, email for details). Here are a couple of other good resources for mamas getting ready for their own birth episode:
- To hear about what it’s like to have continuous support and information before and during labor and birth, check out what Emily, Aubrey, and Marci were generous enough to share about their birth stories.
- If you want some tips on decreasing the risk of premature rupture of membranes like Bethenny experienced, be sure to check Tips for a Holistic Pregnancy and Birth on the Holistic Doula NYC website.
Here’s to happy, healthy, peaceful births for all of the mamas-to-be out there, including Rachel Dratch (who I really really really hope takes a childbirth education class). And to Bethenny and Jason, congratulations on your beautiful new baby!
*I read on Bethenny’s blog after writing this post that she wasn’t panicked about heading to the hospital, and that’s great. It sure did look that way on TV though, so for anyone in a similar situation, please note that unless your provider is asking you to call 911 and get to the hospital immediately, you don’t have to be in a frenzy to get out the house if it’s recommended that you report to the hospital. Also, it’s always a good idea to ask why the provider wants you to come to the hospital, and if it’s absolutely necessary. A lot of times it’s perfectly acceptable (and often preferable) to continue to labor at home once your water has broken.
**One more little clarification before I close about who to hire to help you with your new little one. If you saw last week’s Bethenny Getting Married, you know that Bethenny hired a “baby nurse” (often baby nurses are not actually licensed nurses, you’ll want to double check this when you talk to an agency or do your interviews). For some people, baby nurses are a good choice, but there are many mamas who would actually be better served by a postpartum doula, but haven’t heard of them or don’t know the difference. To put it in the most simple terms, baby nurses are there to take care of the baby. Postpartum doulas are there to support the mother (and the rest of the family as well) so that she can be more capable as she takes care of her baby. Postpartum doulas offer breastfeeding support, education about baby care, problem solving help with baby sleep and soothing, and help with anything else that is gets in the way of mama being able to take care of her baby (laundry, picking up, helping with other little ones). A lot of women and families don’t want to outsource mommy-duty, they just need some assistance as they learn their way around their new role and their new family unit. Postpartum doulas are great for this. For more information on postpartum doulas check out the DONA (Doulas of North America) Postpartum Doula FAQ.
